drollery at its oddest

you drink, you drive, you spill
August 28, 2006, 1:32 am
Filed under: life

i have discovered that the most awkward time to write for me is when i’m happy. it’s almost impossible. i’ve also found that it’s extremely difficult to write in times of deep depression. the times i write best are when i’m experiencing a schizophrenic episode. i feel so much more creative and the words seem to flow directly from my neurons into my fingertips without any thoughts attached to the actual words or meanings. at those times i find myself using some rather beautiful metaphors and am able to write pieces full of irony and wit. ahhh… if only i could be so capable all of the time. but alas, my episodes are few and far between. other than the writing and creativity that i associate with my episodes, it’s a good thing that they don’t happen often. i just wish it weren’t so difficult to write when i am overpoweringly happy or sad. and unfortunately, for the most part that’s what my emotions consist of. no inbetweens for me. sometimes i do think myself fortunate that i seem to just feel more than most people, but perhaps that is just me looking for a silver lining where one may not even exist. despite this, my disorder is a part of me. i may take my medication, but i know it’s still there, just waiting for me to forget one dose, which i often do. oh life. why?


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