are you different? aren’t we all? should we embrace this? most likely we should accept and embrace this. i, however, unfortunately do not. i hate people for the strangest of reasons. i hate people for being gingers. i hate this one kid in my organic class for looking like screech powers. but fatter. i hate this one girl in the same class for the way she tosses her hair. i hate another for the way she coughs. (it’s horrible, really.)
how bad is this really? is this normal? does everyone have odd prejudices? do i hate people because i hate myself? well, really, that’s just not true. i don’t hate myself. i happen to like myself. i may have turned out to be a complete sell-out when it comes to blogging and i may have an annoying laugh, but i think i’m a pretty great person. well, except for the extreme hating problem.
that’s right. i consider myself a bit of a sell-out. (does that have a hyphen? who knows?) anyway, yeah, it’s true. my first “blog” entry will always be my favorite. i always felt that i would never be able to top that, and in my opinion, i haven’t. that was written in the creative bliss that follows one of my episodes. those i don’t have often. good, but sad at the same time. lately all i seem to be able to write about is my “life,” which frankly isn’t all that interesting.
i’ve been busy. the last post i couldn’t even bother to categorize. how sad…
Filed under: life
and so, i have not written anything in a while. i have not done much of anything besides school, research, and working in the lab. i have nothing to say. really. i just felt neglectful.
Filed under: life
much thanks to my dear friend mr. z for such a lovely post about me on his blog. my response:
obviously having a bit too much fun with this.
Filed under: life
i just wanted to add something. i love strangers. nice ones, not the ones with candy and an open car door. anyway, i just had a delightful words with someone i don’t know, but just taking to this person made me feel better.
so, i finally had a night off. hoorah! therefore, i had a good friend over. wow, the night gets even better. oh wait! i forgot the totally bestest parts of my day. my new job–fucking amazing. my new book came in–babylon heights by irvine welsh. my new shirts came in–five delicious t-shirts for me to wear at my leisure. ahh. i feel like i’m in heaven.
so, yeah, we’ve just been sitting around, smoking. and, of course, i come in here to blog. (i’m shaking my head as i say that in my head, btw.) anyway, we were about to watch run lola run, cause i needed the soundtrack to pick me up and besides, it’s a ridiculously good movie. but back to it, i thought it was really funny… don’t know that you will, but oh well. i was putting the movie in and said, “yeah, it’s also really good for me to watch this movie, kind of brush up on my german.” (i have had it for a while, by the way.) sorry for the break. it kind of ruined it. so let me start again, if you don’t mind. “yeah, it’s also really good for me to watch this movie, kind of brush up on my german. i can understand nine words in that movie now.”
okay, is that not funny? maybe not hilarious, but kind of funny? you know, the billy madison thing. oh well, maybe you didn’t get it. maybe i’m just too fucked up to be typing right now. regardless. i just have to say that i am in the best mood i have been in for a long time. and that, folks, is amazing. yay for me! yay for you!
oh yeah, and really, if you actually read all of this with even an ounce of interest. thanks guy. really. i likes people like you. 🙂 leave a comment if you want, i happen to love the little guys.
Filed under: life
i have discovered that the most awkward time to write for me is when i’m happy. it’s almost impossible. i’ve also found that it’s extremely difficult to write in times of deep depression. the times i write best are when i’m experiencing a schizophrenic episode. i feel so much more creative and the words seem to flow directly from my neurons into my fingertips without any thoughts attached to the actual words or meanings. at those times i find myself using some rather beautiful metaphors and am able to write pieces full of irony and wit. ahhh… if only i could be so capable all of the time. but alas, my episodes are few and far between. other than the writing and creativity that i associate with my episodes, it’s a good thing that they don’t happen often. i just wish it weren’t so difficult to write when i am overpoweringly happy or sad. and unfortunately, for the most part that’s what my emotions consist of. no inbetweens for me. sometimes i do think myself fortunate that i seem to just feel more than most people, but perhaps that is just me looking for a silver lining where one may not even exist. despite this, my disorder is a part of me. i may take my medication, but i know it’s still there, just waiting for me to forget one dose, which i often do. oh life. why?
overheard at wal-mart (of all places): “i just can’t wait to get away from all this drama…”
diagnosis: you are retarded
prescription: pull your head out of your fucking ass. there is drama everywhere you go. in fact, it is most likely that you play a large role in creating said drama.
okay, first of all i hate wal-mart and all the people who flock there on a regular basis because they love the “deals.” second, i hate the word drama. anyway, to finish off the prescription for a drama-free life…
role model: me. well, of course, right? okay, i talk a lot of shit, but enjoy a relatively dramaless (somehow dramaless is more pleasing to my palate) existence. i must say relatively because i did recently hear that there is a rumor making it’s rounds that i smashed my friends head into the wall for throwing my cell phone. come on. please. smashed his head into the wall? umm, no, though there may be some truth to the story if you change the whole “smashing head into wall” into something more along the lines of “pushed” and add the phrase “in a drunken rage” at the end or something. i’m not quite sure though. it’s all pretty unclear.
okay, back to it: stop your bitching and quit being such a fucking fat prick and maybe you won’t have sooo much drama. (yeah, i know.. “sooo” is such an ugly word, but i’m positive that’s how the bitch would say it.)